do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
