alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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