Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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