When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
