Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Boobs speak an international language.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
