I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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