coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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