A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
