just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
