I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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