Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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