Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
