so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize