$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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