I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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