Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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