are you so shy because you have an std?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
