Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize