I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
