i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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