Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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