wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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