toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I could fuck to npr.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
