help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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