Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
