spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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