that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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