I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
