I think I just saw someone hide a body.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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