remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
