he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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