Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Pooping to opera.
Randomize