So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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