I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
