What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
