the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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