i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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