If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
