You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My vagina is officially offended.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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