i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
