I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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