I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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