Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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