Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
