I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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