plz talk dirty to me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
