I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
