Whoa Z and x make the same sound
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
love makes seman taste better
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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