this beer tastes like vomit already
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
