how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
