what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i need some magic done to my vagina
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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