Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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