you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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