your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
