Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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