And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
