the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
