I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
