We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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