Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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