Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
