Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
