you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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