areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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