Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
