how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
