community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
