can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
