I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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