question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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