I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
