Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This toilet bowl is my home.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
